Linkinparkfan9799 Interviews: Sven, Train, and Eve
by linkinparkfan9799
Summary: In a cafe, Night, Demon, and Linkin Ann Oddball interview your favorite sweepers Train Heartnet, Sven, and Eve. Of course, every interview these people do ALWAYS has some form of price...


_Notice: I am now doing the list bottom to top so I don't have to renumber everything on my profile. NO OFFENCE INTENDED BY ANYTHING SAID. Especially not to Alucard from Hellsing –shudder-._

_**INSANITY GUARENTEED.**_

**Interviewers: Linkin, Demon, Night**

**Interviewees: Sven, Train, Eve**

**My Boss: Mr. Ticsman**

**Thanks to: Dayfeathers and Night of Your Nightmares**

**Also xDemonChickx for being in all these things**

Bleeding, I rest on the floor in front of my boss's desk. "Too…much…WORK!"

"You set this out for yourself, Linkin," Mr. Ticsman sighs. "Too many stories at once, and too many customers you need to introduce yourself to in order to get them to cooperate! It's like actors in a movie. If the stars won't cooperate, then they can't do it, so it is essential!"

I grumble a little, glaring up at him. "It's called replacements, like all the good manga editors have!"

He huffs. "Point is, you need to make a good impression." I start laughing. "What's so funny now?"

Wiping tears from my eyes, I face him with a mischievous grin. "Dude, I have been leaving nothing but horrible impressions!" I inform. "Remember Lelouch? That interview was just-"

"A good start," he interrupts. "And to inform you, that customer of yours, Annie-"

"ANN!" I shoot up, shaking his shoulders as my eyes grow wide. "CALL HER ANN! SHE HATES THAT NAME!"

"Ann?"

"NO!" I face-palm. "THE OTHER! Seriously, you _trying_ to get yourself killed?"

All he does is blink at me like I'm a maniac. For Christ's sakes people, I already know I'm insane, so there is no need to go looking at me like I do not already know that! "Moving on…You also have to please your readers otherwise they vanish like they have been." Wow, that is quite the mental stab to give me old man. "Now, at the bottom of your list-"

"Wait, bottom?" I blink. "Why not from the top?"

His eyes roll. "It is saving you quite the bit of work, trust me on this," he huffs. "Now, at the bottom is a _Black Cat_ interview. Does this ring any bells?"

I yank on a cord next to the door. My grin is wide as my eyes are shut innocently. "Yes, yes it does. These bells, in fact."

Bells toll and are soon followed by stomping. This stomping turns into rapid footsteps. These turn into dashing strides and culminate with a full course of door-to-my-poor-face. "TADA~!" legendary twins Demon and Night barge in, both with tuxedos, top-hats, and show-canes. "We are-…Where did Linkin go? I swear I heard her voice…" My screams of anguish are muffled by the mouth full of wood splinters (which are, for the record, only tasty for woodpeckers, termites, and non-Linkin beings). They do, however, spot my flailing right arm. "Oh, there she is!" Demon pries the door from my body. "It's not time to play hide and seek, my friend!"

As I seethe with rage, I force a smile and turn my head forcefully to Mr. Ticsman. "Off to Black Cat we go then, I guess…Attention!" I blow on a whistle, both twins straight stiff in an instant. "Atten hut!" They salute. "Now…LEFT! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT!" I chant as we march out, me in the lead and the twins in tow.

FML

Okay, so this is a special one with twelve questions because the quality of these interviews is really lacking. Plus, that makes an even four questions for everyone as long as Rinslet Walker does not barge in or something like that. Seriously, I have had enough random-barge-ins from Sebastian in the Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler interviews! That, and I do not need to accidentally acid-spray anyone else. Seriously, I am _SUPER_ low money-wise thanks to Tamaki! SCREW YOU, YOU-

_**SLAP!**_

"_OW!" _I hold my stinging left cheek. "What the Hell, Demon?"

She blinks innocently, tilting her head to the side. "We're here," she simply answers.

To be honest, I sort of wonder if sanity is in her dictionary. Yet again, it is not in mine. Seriously, some jerk-face scribbled it out of my dictionary! I PAID A LOT OF MONEY FOR THAT-"EEP!" I duck behind Night as Demon prepares to slap me again. "INTERVIEWER ABUSE!"

"Excuse me." We turn to a young blonde, maybe ten or eleven. MAYBE twelve. "Are you Linkin, Night, and Demon?"

Before I can properly answer, both twins tackle her, hearts swarming their heads. "IT'S EVE~!" they squeal. "EEEEEP!"

"H-Hey!" I pout. "Lemme have a hug-"-Both hug me. "FROM EVE!"

Eve is unfazed, which I have to give her big points for. After being released, I glomp Eve with my own little hearts and rush into the tiny café where I am to assume Sven and Train reside. Like I thought, Sven and Train sit at a table, bickering. _Oh really? Now? _"I TOLD YOU WE ONLY HAVE SO MUCH MONEY IN THE BUDGET!" Sven scolds as Train has an onion ring hanging out of his mouth.

Train swallow the ring and counter acts with, "I TOLD YOU THAT I NEED MY STRENGTH IN ORDER TO BRING THE MONEY IN!"

"EEP!" Demon and Night squeal again, tackling Train. "IT'S TRAIN!"

My eyes roll. "Are you going to tackle _everyone?_" They tackle me next. "ACK!"

Both adult sweepers blink as Eve sits next to Sven, grabbing her book and reading. Pushing the twins off, we all try to sit next to Train, but only two can fit, so I am pushed off next to Sven's right, meaning over and across the table. Once we are all settled down and a waitress brings me an icepack, I slam the folder onto the table, eyes narrow and twitching. "Do you have something in your eye?" Night blinks innocently.

"No," I force. With a sigh, I add, "let's get to this before A) I have an ulcer and B) this goes past three thousand words. Can't keep those readers waiting you know!"

Demon nods and grabs the folder first, clinging to Train. "I get to give him his questions!" she claims.

"Hey!" Night protests. "You can't just _call_ him!"

"Already did," Demon sticks her tongue out.

"All who favor Train not being called?" I huff. Night, Train, and I raise our hands. "Train, you can't vote."

He looks at me in disbelief. "Why not? I'm the one being claimed here!" he argues.

"TOO BAD!" Night and I scold, prying Demon off. "Anyways, this is supposed to be even!"

Demon mentally does the math. I guess she is either thinking 'they each get four questions, so we get one round each and then an extra we will fight to the death over later' or something about raping Sebastian. Sorry Demon, but I read your suggestion in the suggestion box. It is just something you have lead me to believe. "Okay, okay, I'll be fair. But I swear if we interview Sebastian again and you two do this," she giggles innocently until she turns into a full-fledged demon, "**I will personally kick your asses into next month. Understood~?"**

We nod in plain fright. NEVER SCREW AROUND WITH DEMON AND HER SEBBY! Unless if it is to end a rape session, then most definitely drag her whilst she is kicking and screaming. Ugh, I THOUGHT THIS WAS AN INTERVIEW! Blowing my whistle once more, everyone jumps and faces me. "Okay, let's get to this thing before we all turn old and gray!" I clap my hands together. "Hmm…Demon-Train, Night-Eve, Sven-Me for the first round. Night goes first because she only came to the Hikaru and Kaoru interview."

Night nods enthusiastically and grabs my folder, checking the paper for the 'Eve' questions. "Okay, Eve…Really?" She leans over the table and shows me the second question for the nano-machine.

"JUST ASK A QUESTION!" I scribble it out, mentally scolding my boss for being so accusing. What if he does this with the Hellsing people? ALUCARD MIGHT PUT A BULLET IN HIS SKULL!...Why am I going off subject? DAMN IT!

My buddy nods and turns to Eve, smiling. "Okay Eve, this is pretty basic but…How are you today?"

Eve smiles a little. "I am good, thank you."

Night scribbles the answer and hands it to me. She spits at her twin that it is only fair because I am the main interviewer for this in the first place and that it is coming out of my now minimized budget. I accept it and turn to Sven, glancing at the Sven questions. These seem fairly normal, to be honest. "Okay Sven, question two! If you're so broke, how did you afford the suit?"

He slumps in depression. Uh…maybe I should have worded that better? "I wasn't _always_ broke…" he mutters.

_Stole it from a corpse. _Crossing the number off, I pass it to Demon. She snatches it at lightning speed and faces Train. "Okay! Three, WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~?" Okay, I know for a _fact_ that is not the adjective she wanted to use.

Train, instead of being creeped out like he usually would, smiles sheepishly. "Oh, it just comes naturally," he prides himself.

"Oh really now," Sven narrows his eye at him. "It still surprises me you're not the size of Mount Kilimanjaro with the way you eat…"

"OH SHUT UP! WHERE DO THOSE CIGARETTES COME FROM THEN?" he counters.

"THAT ISN'T IMPORTANT!"

Since that was a bonus question, I cross off one of Sven's questions, scribble Train's inquiry, and put _'Is actually notorious thief Toma-Bana-__BANDANA JACK'_. With round one done, I tell my buddies to now move to Demon-Sven, Night-Train, Eve-Me. I guess they have the pattern down since they nod. Night takes the folder again. "So Train, are you able to talk to cats?" she wonders.

"No," he simply states. By his sour expression, he is probably offended that we think he is actually a cat. Well, who would not think that?

Night scribbles down an answer (knowing what I do, I'm not even sure if she is actually writing down HIS answers as well). I pluck it from her fingers once the pen is still and turn to Eve. "So Eve, how old are you?"

She tilts her head to the side. "At least twelve, why?" she replies.

"Well, people could be any age, and frankly I think Mr. Ticsman ran out of insulting questions to ask," I mark this down truefully. And truest to the word. _Old enough to marry in some countries. _See? There is no lie in that statement! "Demon, you're up!"

Demon nods and turns to Sven, not even taking the folder I am offering. "Are you a pervert?"

The coffee he was drinking is spit all over Night, who narrows her eyes forward without word. "WHAT?**!"** he gasps.

"Are you a pervert?" Demon repeats. "I mean, you take in some random girl you have no connections to, or any thought as to who she is, and say 'hey girl, I'm going to take you to see the world and try many different types of food'. _DOES THAT NOT SOUND PEDOISH TO YOU?_"

"I AM NOT A PERVERT!" he stands, red as an apple. People shush him and he shrinks, laughing nervously while lifting his hat politely. "Hehe, sorry."

Without another word, I cross off our seventh question today and write _'Desperately wanted his own kid to raise.'_ Hey, I am not **that** cold. And do not ask Demon for her opinion on that because I know she is going to say I am heartless for taking her away from her Sebastian. Again, sorry Demon, but I am practicing telepathy and I believe it is working. Night takes the folder and turns to Sven. "Question eight: You do know that those cigarettes will kill you one day, right?"

Sven shrugs. "Lived so far."

Her face cringes. Guess he said the wrong words. "So? Do you know how many people die a year from those in _America?_ If you want to see your fans one day, stop smoking and take care of yourself!" Night stands onto the table, her foot in some random potato salad, and she points one finger to the sky while her right fist is on her hip. She lowers the finger to in front of her, not really looking at anything in particular. "SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU AND WILL KILL YOU. DO. NOT. DO. IT. YOU. DOOCHE. BAGS."

Staring oddly at Night, I swipe the folder and jot down _'Suicidal'_ next to the question. Then I face Train. "Question Nine: Would you marry a…" I stare wordlessly at the question before me. Yes, this one was asked by my boss. To be perfectly honest, I am not sure whether he is interested or thinks Train is gay. Why else would the word 'guy' be at the end of that sentence? "…Would you marry?"

"You said 'a'," he observes. "What's after 'a'?"

"WOULD YOU MARRY?" I roar.

Shrinking a little, he blinks. Train recovers shortly and shakes his head. I jot a big, fat 'no' onto the paper and pass it to Demon. She faces Eve with a smile. "Okay Eve!" she cheers. "Would you rather play football or soccer?" Eve shrugs and Demon records that. "Now, how would you rate this interview?"

Eve turns to Night and giggles a little. "A nine because Night up there is funny with her foot in potato salad."

Night blinks and lifts up her foot to see the sole of her shoe drenched in the substance. "Aw man…these were new…" Demon and I restrain the urge to glomp Eve out of pure delight and give Night the honor to give Train his bonus question. Hey, Night rarely comes here! Sniffling dramatically, Night wipes away fake tears. "So touching…Okay! Train, rate this interview!"

"…A six," he shrugs. We glare at him. "What? I get yelled at and have my potato salad stepped in!"

I raise my eyebrows. "You like…potato salad?" I wonder.

"He'll eat anything," Sven rolls his eyes. Train glares and dumps the plate of soiled potato onto Sven. "WHAT THE HELL?**!"**

Train smirks like a cat and chuckles mischievously. "I believe that is what most call _revenge!"_ he laughs triumphantly. That smirk fades when he gets a face full of water. "…Oh _HELL_ no…"

We three buddies exchange glances. "Well…we got thirteen questions," I laugh nervously.

"And this shirt is new," Demon informs.

With that, we run like witches on fire into the door in a failed attempt to escape Food War I.

FML

"Why the Hell are you covered in coffee?" Mr. Ticsman asks me. I say nothing, I just hand him the soggy folder. "Ugh, and syrup all over the folder! What were you doing?" My blank stare gives him the hint that I am holding back all temptations of going back there with the most sadistic anime characters I know and kicking Sven's little ass for breaking a coffee mug in my face. _It was an accident! _WELL I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT CRAP! With a sigh, Mr. Ticsman hands me my next assignment. "Yuuki and Yori from Vampire Knight. I suggest you ask around for questions, Miss Oddball."

**Animes on my profile.**

**NEW ANIME: Hellsing. **

**Submit some questions for me to ask Yuuki and Yori! ^^ Love you all~**


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